The Letterman Show

Transcript brought to you by:
Dave Schweingruber
University of Illinois
dschwein@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu

Late Night With David Letterman
Interview: Crispin Glover (July 28, 1987)
A couple things about the Glover interview:

A transcript doesn't do it full justice since much of comedy came from Glover's bearing. He came onto the set facing backstage and his arms spread as though he were arguing with someone. He was wearing striped pants (vertical stripes of various widths: off-white, earth tones, light blue), black platform shoes with huge high heels and a patterned blue-and-white short-sleeved button-down shirt. He has long, very messy hair which wasn't cut straight. It appeared to be a wig. He appeared very nervous and ill at ease. He had a lot of trouble getting his words out. Because of the way he spoke and acted, the audience laughed off and on throughout the interview.

Leading up to the kick, Glover places the case (which was on his lap) on the floor, leans forward and flexes his right arm with his left hand on the biceps. He leans toward Dave, offering to arm wrestle. He stands and takes two steps backward. On the first he bangs his right foot against the case; on the second he steps off the platform and stumbles. He recovers and kicks his right foot almost straight out and toward Dave's head. I don't think the kick came close to hitting Dave. During the kick Glover's left foot stayed near the spot it was when he stepped off the platform. As he brought his right leg down after the kick, his left knee bumped into the chair furthest from Dave, who had his hand on the desk but was sitting behind it (not leaning up over it). I'm guessing the kick was maybe two or three feet from Dave's head.

Dave kept calm through the whole thing and didn't flinch during the kick. He
played the straight man throughout the segment, which was probably the best
comedic strategy.
Objects were visible in the case, but I have no idea what they were.

Here is the transcript of the Glover segment.
DL: My next guest is a very talented young man, probably best remembered as
Michael J. Fox's father in a film called "Back to the Future." He is now
starring in a motion picture called "River's Edge." Folks, please welcome
Crispen Glover. (Glover walks out.)
DL: Hi, how are you?
CG: Good.
DL: Nice to see you.
CG: Nice to see you too.
DL: How are you doing?
CG: Good, I'm really good.
DL: Things going alright this summer?
CG: I'm having a very good summer.
DL: Where do you live now? You live in Los Angeles?
CG: Yes, that's right. In Los Angeles. I just bought a nice condominium.
DL: Condominium. Where's it located?
CG: It's located just over the hill in the valley and I'm really happy about it.
DL: For a time you lived in Hollywood? You lived on Hollywood Boulevard?
CG: In Hollywood Boulevard?
DL: On Hollywood Boulevard?
CG: No.
DL: Had an apartment overlooking Hollywood Boulevard? A big high building you
lived in. A big tower on Hollywood Boulevard?
CG: No, no.
DL: Alright. Then we'll just drop that and go on to something else, alright? Do
you do a lot of television shows?
CG: Oh, yes, now because I've been in movies that are big and I'm a movie star
so I've been on talk shows, on the Johnny Carson Show and now I'm here and I've
been all across the United States and I feel really good about it.
Women from audience: Nice shoes! (Glover looks up at them.)
DL: Do you enjoy the experience?
CG: Yes, I feel very good about them. (A close-up of Glover's left shoe creates
laughter. He pauses and looks confused.)
DL: I notice you have something there in the case. (Points to black case which
is on other chair.)
CG: I knew that this was going to happen and can I tell you because the press
they can do things, they can twist things around. You're talking... (takes wad
of clippings out of pocket) Look, the press says things about you in the paper
and this is a paper, the LA Weekly in Los Angeles, and they said, they said
about me, "Lawdy Daw." It was at a--I went to a club. And they said, it was at a
meeting, and it said, "Crispen Glover, who was in a (word removed by A&E)
frenzy, though his bark is actually worse than his dot dot dot, you get the
point." And then...
DL: Paul, anything you'd like to add here?
PS: (Mouths word "no.")
CG: And then another one, they said, they said, they said, they said Crispen
Glover...
DL: Paul, is this the first time you've seen another guy drown? Is this the
first time you've watched a guy die?
PS: Are you talking about you or him?
DL: No, me.
PS: It's quite entertaining though.
CG: They said, "Crispen Glover was pinstriped and greased up for the occasion
impressing the girl thangs who were trying to get next to him. Guess some people
are turned on by brill cream." ["BrylCream" -- JL]
DL: Yeah, well, I don't know.
CG: And then they--I don't have...
DL: You seem to be distraught. You seem to be distraught.
CG: People seem to make me seem a lot weird. And I'm just--I'm strong, you know.
(flexes arm) I'm strong. I can arm wrestle. Do you want to arm wrestle?
DL: No.
CG: (stands up) I've been taking... These are mine... I can kick. (Kicks at
Dave's head.)
DL: Okay, okay. I'm going to check on the top ten. (referring to fact that top
ten list graphics haven't been ready throughout show) (Glover pulls on Dave's
jacket to keep him from going but Dave walks away from desk.) I'll be back.
(Glover sits back in chair. Cut to commercial.)
After the commercial, Dave had this to say:
DL: Okay, welcome back to the show. We're running a little short on time
tonight. I would have loved to have chatted a little more with Crispen Glover. I
understand he had a cab to catch. Traffic this time of night here in mid-town is
pretty brutal so we wanted to ensure every possibility he would get wherever he
was going on time. Did you enjoy that Paul?
PS: It was an interesting segment.
DL: I think that's the first time since we've been doing the show that a guest
actually tried to kick me.
PS: Well, I think it was a conceptual piece.
DL: He came very close to denting my head with those giant shoes. So I thought,
I don't need that. I'm 40. I went to college. I've had a number of-- That is not
how I want my life ended, some goofball, some dork from wherever-- (moans and
boos from crowds) Oh, stop it, stop it. Do you want to have dinner with the guy?
(applause) This is more of a rhetorical question: is the top ten ready?
Dave closes the show by calling James the Drifter to ask him to cover the arena
football championship game. He makes a joke about dropping Crispen Glover off in
James' hometown of Butler, Alabama, and seeing how long he would survive.
PS: Be nice to him now. Don't take out anything on this poor guy, the Drifter.
DL: Would I do something like that? I thought I afforded what's-his-name every
opportunity to make something out of that.
PS: You certainly did.
The next show (and here I am going from memory) opened with a replay of the
final portion of the interview. Letterman wakes up on a couch and Paul asks him
what's wrong. Dave says he just had a nightmare in which Crispen Glover tried to
kick him. Paul says it wasn't a dream. It really happened. Dave: "What a jerk."

Note from "My Poisoned Wife":
The case mentioned in the transcript below is a case full of wax replicas of
diseased eyeballs. In pictures some of them appear to be slighty melted, that is
because they are. Rumors have it that the case was left out in the sun for some
reason and then the sun proceeded to melt some of them partially. Crispin is
said to have liked the effect(surprising, no?).

Crispin Glover made a second appearance on the Letterman show.

Glover vs. Letterman- The rematch.

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